Tips to help the anxious child!
Anxiety: why, how to identify it and some tips and interventions to help the anxious child!
According to recent statistics, the number the number of teenagers suffering from anxiety seems to be on the risevery much on the rise. Isanxiety in children really on the rise, or are we just paying more attention to it? Opinions are divided.
What would cause a child to be anxious?
Is the environment to blame? According to studies in the United States, children from privileged backgrounds, such as professional parents, are more affected than the rest of the population. Children from these backgrounds tend to be highly anxious and perfectionist. Sometimes it is fair to say that parents put performance pressure on their children, while in other cases, the children apply it themselves.
What would be the factors causing anxiety in children and adolescents?
Is it the parents' fault? In part, a child who is constantly exposed to parents who are stressed by the pace of their lives will be insecure, and their brain will produce stress hormones. The release of these stress hormones will produce a cascade of undesirable physical and psychological effects in the child.
Exposure to screens and social media? Without a doubt! Prolonged exposure to screens distorts the biological clock of both children and adults. Thus, when children are exposed to screens for a long time in the evening, the quality of their sleep will be negatively influenced. Although they will manage to fall asleep, the quality of their sleep will not be there. They will wake up with a sleep deficit in the morning, which will compromise their ability to adapt, to manage stress, unforeseen events, etc.
When it comes to social media, we know how important the eyes and approval of peers are during adolescence. With the social media phenomenon, the desire to please is exacerbated and does not end when the teenager comes home, quite the contrary. Some teens become so consumed with their need for approval from others that they end up sacrificing their own happiness.
Every second away from their device feeds their anxiety. They are afraid to miss a publication or are impatient to see how many ''likes'' their last publication has received. Thus, most of their anxiety is generated by themselves and not by their environment. Without the support of an adult, they let anxiety take over their thoughts and feelings and it becomes destructive for them.
With all that said, how do I determine if my child is experiencing anxiety? Here are some signals to look for;
- Does my child avoid situations or is he/she constantly seeking reassurance from the adult?
e.g. Mom, you're sure I'm not sick, or that I won't get sick?
e.g. Dad, you won't forget to pick me up after field hockey practice, right? You'll think about it, won't you? - Does he have any physical ailments?
Ex: Vomiting before field hockey practice, stomach aches etc. - Does he/she have recurring thoughts related to worries?
Ex: What will happen if you die mom and dad? Are you not going to die? - Does he rely on his parents to meet his needs or to do his chores?
Ex: I will only go to my best friend's party if my older brother goes with me. - Does he/she exaggerate situations that are happening or may happen?
Ex: I never raise my hand in class in case I am wrong and other students laugh at me. - Does he/she have difficulty functioning in daily activities (school, extracurricular activities, friends' parties, bedtime routines, etc.)
Ex: I don't want to go to the winter activity with the rest of the school, older students will be there and I might get turned off.
Tips, interventions and attitudes to use with the anxious child!
Here are some tips to help the anxious child!
The objective: The objective is not to avoid stress and anxiety in your child or teenager but to equip him/her, to provide him/her with the tools and awareness so that he/she can be able to manage his/her emotions by himself/herself. In itself, the mere fact that the child becomes more autonomous in managing his stress and anxiety will lower his anxiety level. Work on getting them to stop relying on their best friend, father or teacher as a solution to reduce their anxiety.
Early intervention: Often, as parents, we tend to wait and see if the situation will pass and return to normal on its own. The sooner the child receives professional help and tools, the sooner he or she will be able to better understand what he or she is experiencing, the causes and ways to be able to live serenely and function well. We recommend intervening even if the condition is not extreme. It will be less time consuming and costly to bring the situation back to normal. Keep in mind that most of the tools, tips and reflections will also be useful for the parents and for the other children in the family, so you will kill two birds with one stone!
Beware of avoidance! It is a reflex of parents to avoid stressful elements that are sources of anxiety in children. This reflex is certainly benevolent, but it has a perverse effect. By not confronting a fear, a fear or a source of stress, we prevent the child from practicing to confront them. And as the saying goes, "practice makes perfect". No matter what we practice in life, we eventually become effective at it. So, put your children to the test and coach them! Little by little, they will gain confidence in their own ability to face life's obstacles, and gain self-esteem and self-confidence.
Stop reassuring your child: Is your child worried about something? "Don't worry, trust me, everything will be fine, you'll do this right, you don't have to worry about it." None of your reassuring words are working? Your child would love to hear your comforting words, but when he is anxious and very worried, his brain is no longer able to receive your words, so you are preaching in the wilderness. It is very difficult at this time for your child to use his logical, rational, sensible left brain.
Point out the times when they are worried for a good reason: Teach them that worrying is a normal part of life and even more so, that worrying is vital. When you notice that they are legitimately worried, tell them that they are right to be. Tell them about our ancestors who had to be wary of wild animals that wanted to make them their lunch! Vigilance and distrust are normal when there is reason to be so.
Does your child show any of the above signs?
It is possible that he or she is experiencing a period of anxiety due to a traumatic event or not. It is also possible that the situation is chronic and that it persists over time. In either case, if you feel helpless in the face of the situation, it is advisable to intervene without delay. In many cases, a few consultations will be enough to bring the situation back to normal or even to improve it significantly. If this series of tips to help the anxious child is not enough, contact me to obtain coaching and a complete management to build personalized solutions adapted to your specific needs.
Would you like to overcome your anxiety? Here are a few dates for training courses I give live online and in several regions of Quebec:
You want to learn more to accompany him? Here is my practical training available pre-recorded or live on demand.
Training on anxiety