How do you deal with a child diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder?

You've applied all the standard, universal, classic parenting techniques? You've tried: emulation charts, positive reinforcement, intentional ignoring, punishments, consequences? You've applied the rules consistently and coherently without getting noticeable positive effects on tantrums, arguing, angry outbursts, aggressive gestures? Do you have to lock up everything? Then you may be dealing with a child with an Oppositional Disorder.

Sir, I believe my child has an Oppositional Disorder, he is three and a half years old, he often refuses to go to bed at night and argues when I give him an instruction. I don't know what to do anymore, I need help. It is commendable for a parent to seek help from a family intervention professional when they feel overwhelmed by a situation involving their child. In the same way that we call on a master electrician to review the electrical system in our home.

It is important to demystify what distinguishes Oppositional Defiant Disorder (O DD) from normal, developmentally based oppositional behaviors.

One of the first criteria for making a diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder is that the symptoms of opposition must have been present for a minimum of 6 months. Another major element that must be considered in order to make a diagnosis is the level of intensity of the opposition. Thus, the opposition must be acute and disabling, i.e., it must significantly interfere with the child's daily functioning (at school, at daycare, with parents, grandparents, etc.).

As the questions in the introduction to this article mentioned, what is probably the major difference between a child who opposes at times and a child with Oppositional Disorder is that what works with the vast majority of children will not work with a child diagnosed with ODD. Parents in this situation can attest to this to their dismay.

We can compare a child with Oppositional Disorder to an Olympic athlete with Oppositional Disorder!

Tips, interventions, means and strategies vs. Oppositional Disorder!

Each child with a PDD is a challenge for both the professional and the parents. Intervening with these children is complex because there are multiple causes for their disruptive behaviors. The second major challenge is that it is difficult to be consistent and coherent with a child for whom consequences have no effect, what is commonly called a Teflon child. In addition, because each child is different, interventions will differ greatly from person to person. The main objective with the child will be to help him/her deal with stress, frustration, delays and authority figures and to help him/her be better able to express his/her emotions.

That being said, here are some ideas for action and reflection:

The opposing child, lowering our overall expectations of him/her:

Choosing one's battles will be the premise of the intervention with the opposing child, what might not be accepted with another child will have to be accepted with this one. Yes, but this will be unfair to the other children in the family! This is a great opportunity to explain to children the difference between the concepts of equality and fairness.

Take the guilt out of it:

Every person always acts to the best of his knowledge, skills and for the best. You are kind to your children, be just as kind to yourself! Give yourself the right to make mistakes, the right to be imperfect parents who must deal with an imperfect child 24/7.

Remember that your opposition is the equivalent of a shield or a carapace to protect yourself:

It is unbearable for a child to be constantly nagged, punished, to have consequences, to lose privileges, to hear the adults he loves speak negatively about him. Thus, to preserve himself, he will build a shell, erect a wall of reinforced concrete that translates into permanent opposition.

Comforting instead of punishing:

When children are no longer in control of their bodies, emotions and thoughts, they need to feel that the adults around them are. They need to feel the compassionate and empathetic gaze of their parents. They need to hear that we are there for them in good times and bad. It is clear, however, that often it is tempting to wring their necks like Homer Simpson would with his enfant terrible, Bart!

No longer punish for something he is unable to do:

Remember that not throwing tantrums, not fighting back for the child with ODD is not a matter of will but of ability. In fact, often after an intense tantrum, children will say that they wish they could but that they are unable to control themselves, that they need to hit. They often feel guilty for saying hurtful things, for hitting their parents and for losing control of themselves. Ross Greene, an American psychologist has the following theory: "Children behave when they can. Children want to please adults and be in fun and happiness. After all, no one likes to be in arguments and conflicts all the time.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder and medication?

To date, there are no studies showing that medication alone is effective in treating Oppositional Defiant Disorder. However, in many cases, a child diagnosed with ODD will also be diagnosed with ADHD or anxiety and will take medication for this.

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Également, je vous recommande ce vidéo de Naître et grandir traitant également du Trouble d'Opposition!